i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
