Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
