Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
