my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
