i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
