I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
