ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
