I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
