i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
