I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
