I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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