it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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