i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's great music for shaving your balls
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
