dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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