I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
