dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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