I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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