just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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