I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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