You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
