I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
