He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
