is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
