Where did you get a picture of my penis
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
