I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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