it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
