Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
