ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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