i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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