How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
