she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
