I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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