just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
