Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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