you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
