even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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