I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
