I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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