Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
