I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
