then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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