How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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