I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
