drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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