I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
