im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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