i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
