That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
