I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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