So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
