I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize