Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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