omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
