This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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