i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
