i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
