Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm really busy with my period
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