I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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