I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
