I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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