she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
