After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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