it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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