Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
