Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
