Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
