College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
