All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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