she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
