we're blogging at a bar
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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